Monday, August 25, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008


A nervous attendant on a flight announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 100 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 36 dinners available!"

Judge to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?' Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.' ________________________________________________--

Sunday, August 3, 2008

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

I saw a billboard sign that said:

Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower...

lego flamethrower:
where are the directions for this thing???

Sunday, June 15, 2008


Blondie was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.

She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher, almost unconscious.

Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Blondie: Ok.

Doctor: How many fingers am I putting up?

Blondie: Oh my god, I'm paralyzed from the waist down!

Friday, May 23, 2008

yadda, yadda, yadda...

A patient told his doctor he was full of remorse and guilt ridden because he had sex with his 3rd cousin. The MD said, "If it makes you feel that bad, maybe you should quit counting."

How do you prepare gorilla? Gorillit.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

tighten the borscht belt...

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

Wood you? I wood. The luckiest man:

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Low holy days...

Jewish personals:

I am a sensitive Jewish prince who you can open
your heart to, share your innermost thoughts
and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.
P.O.Box 2286.

shout out: django behind the barn?
these guys smile a lot...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

lost weekend in the Big Easy...

...last Tuesday.

why did the chicken cross the road?
to escape the nazis.