If you can't say something funny...

then link to something that's killer - - My First Day in Hell:
http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/10/30/061030sh_shouts

and, uh, why does a skeleton need a robe?




Son: "Hey, Dad, I got a B in Reading!"
Dad: "You moron - - that's a D."

I'm not a religious person...

but this is pure inspiration: http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/whipass/

Remember the internet circa 1995? try this: http://www.stickpage.com/haplandgameplay.shtmlpage.com/haplandgameplay.shtml

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”

Rough start...

but then we dated (in law school): http://www.metacafe.com/watch/440404/treat_em_mean_keep_em_keen/

Shaggy dog story: As she lay there dozing next to him, a voice inside his head kept saying, "Relax - - you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." Then another voice reminded him, "But Howard, you're a veterinarian."

What Fresh Hell Is My Brother Doing? Funny you should ask: http://berniekeating.blogspot.com:80/

uh...I wouldn't tell this joke...

but my brother would. check out: http://shaggybluedog.blogspot.com/

shout outs...

homegrown tunes from Amishland: http://tippytoe.multicasttech.com/somewhereoutwest/barrel.html

Harrisburg's homegrown, Jawnboy, asks "Is this thing on?" Yes: http://jawnboy.blogspot.com/

Q: Why don't cannibals eat divorcees? A: Because they're bitter.

unless you you drink alone...

late at night, don't watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO9dbmJ_2zU

Johnny Cash meets Nine Inch Nails. Really.

drinking joke of the day:
Q: Why didn't Hitler drink gin?
A: It made him mean.

you wannna know this...

or not. who "out-Tarantino's" Tarantino? check it out: http://movies.ign.com/articles/588/588928p1.html

joke of the moment:
Q: What's the white stuff in bird poop?
A: Bird poop.

for openers...

Q: "What's your favorite Grateful Dead tune?" A: "The SHORT one!"

What's your favorite rant? You tell me, in two sentences. And throw in an animal.

Mine? the Fisago's waitress who dosed my cheesteak with windex. Skunked.

Moose's: People who try to use road squirrel instead of fresh squirrel when making squirrel pot pie.