Monday, July 27, 2009

stay for the borscht...

A man's house was on fire. He decided he would call the fire department. He got on the phone with the Fire Chief. The man was very frantic. The man said, "Chief, you have to get over here, my house is on fire!" The Chief said, "Calm down, how do we get to your house?" The man said, "Don't you have those big red trucks anymore?"

I tried to build a dog house, but I only had enough dogs to build 3 walls.

What is brown and lives in a bell tower? The lunch bag of Notre Dame.

prison inventions???

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008


A nervous attendant on a flight announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 100 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 36 dinners available!"

Judge to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?' Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.' ________________________________________________--

Sunday, August 3, 2008

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

I saw a billboard sign that said:

Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower...

lego flamethrower:
where are the directions for this thing???

Sunday, June 15, 2008


Blondie was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.

She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher, almost unconscious.

Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Blondie: Ok.

Doctor: How many fingers am I putting up?

Blondie: Oh my god, I'm paralyzed from the waist down!

Friday, May 23, 2008

yadda, yadda, yadda...

A patient told his doctor he was full of remorse and guilt ridden because he had sex with his 3rd cousin. The MD said, "If it makes you feel that bad, maybe you should quit counting."

How do you prepare gorilla? Gorillit.